First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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