her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
