im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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