Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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