she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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