No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
