I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
