You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Im part way to drunk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
