im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
