No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
