Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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