if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
