apparently the secret to your success is patron
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
