This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
