You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
