I smell stomach acid.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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