By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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