M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
