I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
