I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
