Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
