I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
