i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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