You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
