I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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