She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
