I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
