Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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