i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
