it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
