"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
