I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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