Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
