So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
well you can't waste a boner
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
