Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
