By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
