Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.

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(315): View more from New York

Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love

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(801): View more from Utah

we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success

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(907): View more from Alaska

the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

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(620): View more from Kansas

He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.

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(909): View more from California

Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?

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(210): View more from Texas

did u drive by my house last night?

(210): View more from Texas

bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van

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(660): View more from Missouri

I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.

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