Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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