I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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