he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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