i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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