You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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