im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
