There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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