I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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