We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
