Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he fucked my hip out of place.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
