Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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