my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
