She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
